Victories large and small

I've been speaking out for gay rights and working for marriage equality for "oh these many years," and I want to take this moment to celebrate a big victory and a little one.

The big victory is that Washington's governor, Christine Gregoire, signed legislation on Monday to make marriage in our state "a civil contract between two persons who have each attained the age of eighteen years, and who are otherwise capable." Until it gets held up in the inevitable referendum process, we can all celebrate the fact that any consenting adult can marry the person whom they love.

Just to clarify, I am honestly not that stuck on the idea of marriage. In fact, I would prefer it if the government would get out of the marriage business altogether and strike the 1,110-some rights and responsibilities that are linked to the institution. But THAT would be much more costly and time-consuming and will never happen, so we have to commit ourselves before God and everyone - including the state.

With contributions from my fellow reporters Marcy Stamper and Ann McCreary, I wrote a story about how marriage equality will affect gays and lesbians in the Methow Valley. I am proud of the reporting work on the story; I learned a lot in the process of interviewing people and putting the story together; and I am happy to be able to share it with the world. Please click on Marriage Equality to read the entire piece on the Methow Valley News website.

The little victory is that I was invited to an impromptu celebration of the marriage equality law tonight at Carlos 1800 restaurant in Winthrop. The gay network sent out texts and emails to all the valley queer folk, and when I walked in, they occupied a good portion of the otherwise empty, bar/restaurant. I estimate around 50 to 60 people were there and I was the only straight person! I was welcomed with hugs and smiles and pats on the back and lots of thank yous. I met some new people, learned that one person (who wasn't there) is gay, and had a fun time laughing and talking with a very cool segment of our little community.

Thomas (front left) and Tony (front right) will be unable to live together in the United States until the Defense of Marriage Act is repealed. They are making their way through life, on their own terms, but when will they be able to settle down?

Here are my thoughts on marriage equality from a previous post - almost a year ago - on the same subject.

Walking around scared

            Gay people are walking around scared, and they have been walking around scared their whole lives.

            How do I know? When I asked four gay couples in my community to lend their voices to a story on Washington’s marriage equality bill, SB6239, only one pair agreed to be featured in the story - and those two agreed with fear and trepidation.

            Marge and Pat, John and Carl, Sunny and June, (names changed) each went home to their partner, discussed the interview seriously, and opted out. John and Carl initially agreed - we even had set a day and time to meet - and then they backed out.

            Carl said he had read the comments to a thread on the Methownet.com bulletin board and “got nervous.” He said, “We own a business, and we are not comfortable putting ourselves out there for scrutiny.”

            The bulletin board thread he referred to started as a positive remark - someone posted that they were proud to live in this state. Subsequent comments were mostly supportive until it got to the guy who basically said, “Next they’ll want to marry their dogs.”

            Sunny said, “We've only been met with kindness in this valley, and it would be very sad for us to read any hateful backlash letters pointed at us as a couple and parents in the following week (or even worse, have [our son] read the letters).”

            Pat is in seminary and said it would be “complicated.”

            So, I get it. We all just want to live our lives, not stick our necks out too far - god knows gays and lesbians already stick their necks out just by being themselves - and continue to live in this welcoming community. We don’t want hate directed at us.

            But who is going to tell this story? And how long must people walk around in fear?

Thoughts on marriage equality

Opposition to marriage equality has accomplished only one thing: to permit and perpetuate a population of second-class citizens.


It has not changed the desire or commitment of gays and lesbians to remain as couples.


It has not reduced the number or success of lesbian and gay households with children.


It has not made gay people go away.


Same sex couples:

I love these people.  Some of them are (gasp) gay.

• pay taxes
• own homes
• raise kids
• go to PTA meetings
• have affairs
• divorce
• try again
• live in Utah
• live oversees
• grow old
• suffer from Alzheimer's
• make mistakes
• try again
• love one another
• love straight people
• miss their families
• deserve a break
• deserve equality